Season of Change, Season of Grace

Many, many years ago, I worked through a Bible Study entitled, "Season of Change; Season of Grace." I remember it being interesting to me because I was in the midst of many changes. I had just married Charlie; we had moved 600 miles away to the mid-west; I was finishing up my degree in a new university, and I was brand new to setting up a household and being a wife. It was definitely a season of many changes, and I certainly needed to feel the grace of others.

I made it through that time, but it was difficult without someone to guide me along. My family lived 600 miles away, and although I spoke with them every weekend, it wasn't the same as it would have been had we been able to live near one another. It took me a long time to find trusted mentors to guide me through life's seasons of changes.

Fast-forward 21 years.....I have a wonderful daughter who is 8 and has had many very difficult changes this year. We have overcome and learned how to deal with the physical and spiritual changes. We tackle the emotional changes the moment they erupt all over everyone and teach her how to tame that monster. There is one area, however, that we, ourselves, struggle with over and over.....the loss of a relationship.

Grace has to be sad for her friend E, whose father died unexectedly on the way to work one day. Out of the blue, this healthy, fit 40 year old man had a massive heart attack. Grace sobbed for days for her friend E. and his family.

I had to walk away from a friendship that had become toxic in my life, a good friend, my best friend. Grace loved this friend very, very much. Grace asks often about this friend, and we try to explain that some friendships are for a season. We tell her about how the friend has gone on and sought a different life, different than our family's goals. Grace asks if she is allowed to pray for this friend because she really misses this friendship. We encourage her to pray for this friend often. She does.

What do we hope we have taught her about relationships?

1. The truest best friend you will have in your entire life is not a human at all. Your best friend is the Savior. He is THE friend who sticks closer than a brother. He is the PERFECT BFF.
2. Friendships have beginnings, middles, and ends, just like stories. However, one of the amazing things about friendships is that if a friendship ends, it just might pick up during another season of life. (I'll have to write about my friends T. and L. sometime!)
3. Treasure the time you have with your friends. Life is short. Enjoy your friends, be sweet, honest, and trustworthy with them and you will have a great time.
4. When a friendship is over, whether it ends well or not, it is over. Don't dwell on what might have been or could have been. It doesn't change what is.
5. If the friendship breakup is bad, remember that this friend is a image bearer of God and treat this person as such. There is no need to "air your dirty laundery." Your realtionship was between you and your friend, and not you, your friend, and the rest of the world.
6. If your friend airs the "dirty laundry" just let it be. You do not need to correct, convience, or attempt to persuade anyone about anything in the friendship; it was no one elses business but you and your friend. By keeping your mouth shut while your x-friend keeps talking, you are showing your true character....trustworthy, loyal, respectful, gentle, kind...to the others who are watching, and believe me, they are indeed watching. The friends worth their salt will wisely watch and discern your true character, no matter what the other person might say or do to push the contrary. Trust the truth; find shelter in the quietness of your spirit while you wait in the palm of God's hand for the storm to pass.

Friendship and relationships are tough. They ebb and flow. You draw near and you drift far from one another. It is how we handle theses seasons of change that makes the difference. By applying a bit of grace to friendship as they complete their life-cycle, we can certainly add to that beautiful bouquet of experience that we call life.