Season of Change, Season of Grace

Many, many years ago, I worked through a Bible Study entitled, "Season of Change; Season of Grace." I remember it being interesting to me because I was in the midst of many changes. I had just married Charlie; we had moved 600 miles away to the mid-west; I was finishing up my degree in a new university, and I was brand new to setting up a household and being a wife. It was definitely a season of many changes, and I certainly needed to feel the grace of others.

I made it through that time, but it was difficult without someone to guide me along. My family lived 600 miles away, and although I spoke with them every weekend, it wasn't the same as it would have been had we been able to live near one another. It took me a long time to find trusted mentors to guide me through life's seasons of changes.

Fast-forward 21 years.....I have a wonderful daughter who is 8 and has had many very difficult changes this year. We have overcome and learned how to deal with the physical and spiritual changes. We tackle the emotional changes the moment they erupt all over everyone and teach her how to tame that monster. There is one area, however, that we, ourselves, struggle with over and over.....the loss of a relationship.

Grace has to be sad for her friend E, whose father died unexectedly on the way to work one day. Out of the blue, this healthy, fit 40 year old man had a massive heart attack. Grace sobbed for days for her friend E. and his family.

I had to walk away from a friendship that had become toxic in my life, a good friend, my best friend. Grace loved this friend very, very much. Grace asks often about this friend, and we try to explain that some friendships are for a season. We tell her about how the friend has gone on and sought a different life, different than our family's goals. Grace asks if she is allowed to pray for this friend because she really misses this friendship. We encourage her to pray for this friend often. She does.

What do we hope we have taught her about relationships?

1. The truest best friend you will have in your entire life is not a human at all. Your best friend is the Savior. He is THE friend who sticks closer than a brother. He is the PERFECT BFF.
2. Friendships have beginnings, middles, and ends, just like stories. However, one of the amazing things about friendships is that if a friendship ends, it just might pick up during another season of life. (I'll have to write about my friends T. and L. sometime!)
3. Treasure the time you have with your friends. Life is short. Enjoy your friends, be sweet, honest, and trustworthy with them and you will have a great time.
4. When a friendship is over, whether it ends well or not, it is over. Don't dwell on what might have been or could have been. It doesn't change what is.
5. If the friendship breakup is bad, remember that this friend is a image bearer of God and treat this person as such. There is no need to "air your dirty laundery." Your realtionship was between you and your friend, and not you, your friend, and the rest of the world.
6. If your friend airs the "dirty laundry" just let it be. You do not need to correct, convience, or attempt to persuade anyone about anything in the friendship; it was no one elses business but you and your friend. By keeping your mouth shut while your x-friend keeps talking, you are showing your true character....trustworthy, loyal, respectful, gentle, kind...to the others who are watching, and believe me, they are indeed watching. The friends worth their salt will wisely watch and discern your true character, no matter what the other person might say or do to push the contrary. Trust the truth; find shelter in the quietness of your spirit while you wait in the palm of God's hand for the storm to pass.

Friendship and relationships are tough. They ebb and flow. You draw near and you drift far from one another. It is how we handle theses seasons of change that makes the difference. By applying a bit of grace to friendship as they complete their life-cycle, we can certainly add to that beautiful bouquet of experience that we call life.

The Quilt

Above: Grace's quilt top. We should have it quilted and bound by the end of summer.

Below: Beth's quilt from Nanny. It was finished in 1972. The pieces of fabric are from clothes I wore growing up or from Nanny's dresses. I love this quilt.

THE QUILT

I grew up in the hills of West Virginia, not the mountains that you often associate with WV, but the hills. We lived out a little 5 mile long road named Browns Creek Road at the top of Coal Mountain. My childhood home sat in the mouth of a hollow, and a small creek ran along side the house. It was a great great place to grow up.

My Nanny, my Daddy's mother, lived just up the road over a mile. As a very young child, I would go home with her from church on Wednesday nights and stay over with her until church on Sunday mornings. Once I was school age, I often rode the bus to her house to stay until my father or mother picked me up after work. As a teenager, I often took a couple of weeks during my summer and stayed at her house.

Nanny taught me lots of things, not through the "come here and let me show you method;" rather she taught me by simply living. I saw how she made pie crusts and the secrets she used to make them perfect. I felt the biscuit dough as she made biscuits and learned her secret to great biscuits. I still make her barbeque beans that she taught me to season by taste. When she gave me the recipe to her coconut cream cake, she also told me her little secret for making it so yummily moist. I learned my love for quilting by lying beneath the homemade quilting frame that my grandfather made for her and watching the needle punch through the fabric, seeing her nimble fingers grasp the needle beneath, and following the needle with my eyes as she pushed it through the back to the top, making the tiniest, neatest stiches.

One day warm day when I was quite young, I was lying beneath the quilting frame, watching her quilt, when I popped up and proclaimed, "Dis is my 'kilt, Nanny."

Nanny replied, "No, honey, this is my quilt, but I will make you a quilt for your wedding day."

The story goes on that I went on home with my parents, returning to her home in tears a few days later. She met me in the living room and as she hugged me, she asked me what was troubling me.

I replied, "Nanny, I've been twying and twying to get marr-weed, but no on will marr-we me."

The family gets a big kick out of sharing that story. That day, however, started a tradition and a promise that Nanny kept to each of us grandchildren. On our wedding days, she had for each of us six grandchildren a gift of a hand-made quilt and a set of pillow cases for which she did the needle work and made the lace.

The tradition continues. For each of my boys' eighth birthdays, I presented each of them with a hand-made quilt that I made for them. My thought was that these were practice quilts for me, twin/double size, and should easily see them through their college years. My hope is to make them a wedding quilt for their new life.

Grace's 8 year old quilt, however, was a totally different quilting technique and pattern than what I used for the boys. My life is much more complicated, and I don't truly have the time to spend that I would like to spend making her quilt. However, something special happened that makes Grace's quilt so very special to me.

Mother saw that Grace was really pushing for her quilt, so she asked if she could help. I agreed. Mother did all the applique and pieced the top of the quilt. I'll do the "in the ditch" quilting on my machine and bind the quilt. Mother will do the hand quilting in each square.

I share this story because it is such a precious tradition to me. I hope that someday Grace will continue the love and tradition by passing down a quilt she makes for her daughter or granddaughter. I have had fun working with my mother on Grace's quilt, which is another special detail in this tradition.

I love family traditions and stories!

Mammogram

Well, it has been three months now since my last mammogram. The doctors have been watching a couple of spots in my left breast for the 18 months. The last mammogram showed some changes, so I am having a more detailed appointment today.

I don't know about you, but I REALLY dislike getting mammograms. The procedure, where they squeeze those ever so soft parts of you flat as a pancake, doesn't bother me so much, but the WAIT kills me. I am scheduled to have the mammogram done at 1:10 today. That means that I will get out of their office around 5 pm. UGH! There goes my day.

Even though these are digital exams and not film, they keep you in the office so that you get same day results and follow up appointments are made on the spot. I guess that is the good part, particularly if your exam doesn't go as well as you anticipate.

The good thing is that my neighbor gave me a book to read. It is Getting Things Done by David Allen. More about this next time. For today, if you read this, say a little prayer that the tests turn out OK. I'll be in the waiting room reading a book for the day, waiting on my mammogram. :-)

SURPRISES!!

I love surprises. Well, I love MOST surprises. The surprises I am talking about today are the good kinds of surprises.

Last weekend, I was fortunate enough to spend time with my friends, Tina, Leslie, and Melvin. It has only been in the last year or so that I have been in touch with my childhoold friends. I am sorry I let time pass. I really love these people!

We talked frankly, laughed loudly, and listened eagerly to one another. It was a party at the restaurant. Our daily burdens were lifted, we were living in the moment, and we were being ourselves. What an awesome time!

It was interesting to relive some memories and to discover we were not the people the others thought we were. This is not totally a bad thing! It was fun to see the shock on one another's faces when we told stories of high school/college days, stories we agreed to not reveal! I love these friends; what a great evening!

I look forward to my next visit with the gang. We hope to include more friends and have a pool party and other such nonsense.

As my friend Dawn L said on one of my visits home, "There's no friend like a childhood friend."

I have other friends from other seasons in my life, but I agree, there is something special about those childhood friends and memories.

Still Waters

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pasture; He leads me beside the still water. He restores my soul."

I could use some still waters and some restoration of my soul. It has been a long four months. Months of worry, lies, deception, anxiety.... I almost don't know who I am. I feel like everyone has had a piece of me and there is nothing left for me to renew.

How do I find my way back? How do I break out? Where do I begin?

I begin with those first few, precious words..."The Lord IS my shepherd. I shall not want."

HE is my shepherd. He is the one to whom I look to meet my needs. I don't need to want or desire any other cure. He is the one who will meet my needs so that I don't want. Isn't that the most excellent news?

It goes further...."He MAKES me to lie down in green pastures. He LEADS me beside the still waters."

He is going to give me rest from this; he is going to MAKE me lie down. I had better cooperate and lie down when he tells me. Bad things happen when you try to tell God how it is going to be.

He is going to lead me to still waters. He is going to deliver me from this. He knows the calm way out of these last few months, and he is going to lead me in that direction.

Trust Him to be my Shepherd.
Rest in the green pasture.
Follow to the still waters.

I'm ready, Lord. Let's go!

Gardening 2010

I started an herb garden this year. I love cooking with fresh herbs. Pasta dishes, vegetable dishes, meat and cheese dishes, sun tea...really anything benefits from adding fresh herbs.

I have planted rosemary, mint, cilantro, basil, thyme, tarragon, Italian parsley, regular parsley, and a couple of other miscellaneous herbs.

The children have taken on the task of keeping the herbs watered. Joshua and Grace are always snipping or tearing off a leaf of an herb here or there, trying to understand the levels of flavor. They both enjoy experimenting with the herbs when they cook in the kitchen.

There is something therapeutic about growing your own food. There is nothing as stress-relieving as running your hands through the soft, sun-warmed earth and planting a tiny seedling or group of seeds, standing back, and watching the Lord make the plant grow.

This year, besides the abundance of herbs, we currently have Charlie's blueberries coming in. Soon, Grace's sunflowers will open and we may be able to steal a few seeds before the birds pick them apart. John is working on a 300 pound pumpkin; no kidding. I'll post a picture if that really works out! We have enjoyed fresh lettuce, sugar snap peas, and onions from the garden. We hope to soon enjoy tomatoes and some zucchini.

The weather has been perfect for our inattention to the gardening duties. I feel blessed that we are able to reap so much from such little effort this year. What a blessing!

Eight Months Later....

Here it is eight months since my last posting. Something happened. Life got in the way. I allowed the business and the drama of life to squeeze out things that I love to do, the people I love to hang out with, and things that give me my identity. I started meeting everyone elses needs/wants/desires and left myself nothing. That is not the way to live.

After spiraling down that dark, winding road, I am back. Quite frankly, I am back, but not quite in the saddle again. It is going to take some time. However, I all ready feel so much better. My energy is returning, and I am enjoying life and not managing life so much.

Over the course of the last year or so, I have picked up a phrase from a local pastor. He often says this, "God is good all the time. All the time, God is good."

I believe what Tommy says. The last eight months have proven it again and again.

Living and Learning,
Beth