Since I started blogging a bit ago, several of you have asked me to blog about our years where we lost children. I will confess up front that this is a most difficult topic for me. Although the years have dulled the pain, the ache still is in my heart. It won't hurt my feelings at all if you skip this post, but some of you wanted to know, and I thought I would go ahead and try to share today. Here are the facts:
1992 - I finished my college degree. Charlie and I had been married 5 years, and we decided to take a month-long trip to New Zealand. Just before we left, I found out I was pregnant with our first child. Two weeks into the trip, I started having difficulties with the pregnancy, and I ended up miscarrying in New Zealand. It was a terrible end to our get away. However, God provided. The family friends we stayed with the last week in New Zealand helped us to negotiate the government system of health care. God also provided that the man of the house was an OB/GYN and he actually did a D and C so that the remaining placenta would not cause infection on the 23 hour trip home. We returned to the USA heartbroken.
1993 - Andy was born with little fuss.
1995 - Joshua was born with minor fussing.
October 1997 - We lost at 16-weeks a beautiful baby boy that we named Peter.
Early 1998 - We lost a boy at 14 weeks that we named Christopher.
Late 1998 - After genetic screening and procedures to assure my uterus was hospitable to a growing baby, I became pregnant. We lost a girl at 20 weeks a girl we named Amy.
Fall 1998 - We sought the help of some perinatal specialists. With heparin shots and other medications, they predicted we would have a 70% chance to carry our next pregnancy to term.
1999 - We finally decided to try again, and with the help of the specialists John was born in late 1999.
2001 - Grace followed in 2001, and our family was complete with the four children.
Why four? We don't know. Maybe my body was tired. Maybe it was some of the issues that surrounded John and Grace's pregnancies, but it was clear to both of us that our family was complete.
Friends were the hands of God that saw us through those terrible years of losing our babies. In this blog, it is impossible to convey the deep, deep pain that losing a baby causes. Each time, a piece of me died with those babies.
Today, Charlie and I are especially in tune with young families having difficult pregnancies. We have walked through difficult pregnancies with many friends and Charlie's co-workers over the years, encouraging them to not lose hope.
I'll never understand why God allowed me to lose my babies, but I do know that nothing happens to us without God's knowledge. He knew the pain and hurt we had to endure. He knows us completely, and that is a comforting thought.
Living and learning,
Beth
1 comment:
Beth, I found your blog through a link on Bev's. Tears welled up in my eyes when I read about your losses and especially your Peter. You may not know it, but I lost a baby boy at 5 days old in July 1997 He was born missing the left ventricle of his heart.
We also experienced 2 miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy and the first baby we were matched with for adoption died of SIDS at 7 weeks old.
God is faithful. But the pain is real.
Anyway, I'm glad I found your blog.
Post a Comment